Present

God has been so gracious to me, constantly knowing what I need so much more deeply than I know myself.

I remember wanting to finish the Mother of God Hodigitria for my mom's 80th birthday and not even being close. Then finding out that we were painting the Tenderness Mother of God in my icon painting class that finished only one week before my mom's birthday. God knows what our soul needs and what brings honor to Him, ourselves and those around us. He gave me skill to finish the icon and I think made it beautiful, somehow enhancing the beauty of my mom and the occasion.

In these past weeks, as my sisters and I kept a bedside vigil with my mom, both icons were in the room. My mother, of course, the more profound, the more beautiful of the two. As she declined, I had less coherent words or thoughts for each moment yet a greater sense of the profundity of what we were experiencing, where my mom was going. In the end, it was again about presence, just being present. I was grateful for the divine office that gave us words of Scripture, prayer and blessing, because we, or at least I, had no words for the time deep enough.

I wonder if God was fulfilling some deep purpose in who was present with my mom when she passed at 7:16pm June 7, 2008. The daughters she raised, the son who gave the last ten years to caring for her, the granddaughter named after her- all of us genuinely unable to say that we felt a need to physically be present with my mom when she died, not knowing what my mom wanted, not knowing the day nor the hour. However, I know that I am glad for each person that was in the room, deeply grateful for their companionship- I believe each was meant to be there. Even if the only concrete reason 12-year old A was there was because she believed A, K and N were going to be down from Berkeley already (and they weren't). And the only concrete reason R was there was because his sisters wanted pizza from Gondola's and they don't deliver.

There are countless ways God provided for us in the last weeks, this week of the funeral and in the funeral itself. How does He know? Oh, right. Omniscience. A powerful thing- and in the right hands, so loving and gentle. Thank you to all who prayed for and thought of me and my family during this time and all these years. Thank you to all who phoned, who contributed to my mom's endowment and who sent flowers and cards. Thank you to all who made the trip down and out to be with me and my family for a few short hours and honor my mom. Thank you for being present. I love you all.